dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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