Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
