i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
