I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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