I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
