I hate your face
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
