she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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