my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The adults are the big ones right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
