Pants 0. Shit 1.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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