Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
