Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
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See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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