im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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