I wish I could teleport
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
