would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
