You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Soap is not a condiment
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
