You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
