Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Two words: nipple clamps
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