Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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