Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
