They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
