got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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