Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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