im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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