You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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