This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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