you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
false alarm, still single
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