capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
