If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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