Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
