He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
