someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
