my vag is so smooth its legendary
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
