I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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