I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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