you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
