okay pat passed out under dana's car
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
