This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will be naked everywhere
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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