I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
