I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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