Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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