i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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