just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
even my farts smell like vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
