He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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