The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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