Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
