I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
