peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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