Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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