Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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