Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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