There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
