I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
