ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
