The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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