I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
