Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
