I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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