No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
