He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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