do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
