Im at strip club and am horny
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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