If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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