i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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