No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
