dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
