I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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