I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
